Grief is not a straight and narrow progress. It will always have detours, bumps, and the worst potholes ever just when you think you’re in a good place.

So you lost someone very close to you—someone you think you can’t live without is gone. To say you would be devastated is quite an understatement. And there would be times you might think you can’t move on or will never be able to move on. And you find it offensive and unsympathetic when people say to you, “It’s going to be all right…” And you may lash out “no, it’s not!” Or maybe you don’t voice it out loud but deep inside of you, you feel it’s not going to be okay.

Valid feelings

Your grief is real and all the things you feel are valid. The feeling of fear is real. The feeling of anger or hatred is real, anger/hatred at whoever or whatever took your loved one away from you. The feeling of emptiness is real. And the feeling of not being able to move on with life is real. Acknowledge them and accept that you are feeling them.

There is no deadline

You need to express those feelings. Because they are valid, and it would help alleviate the heaviness you feel. There is no proper way of grieving and there is no time set for until when you should grieve. It would look pretty bleak for quite a while or quite a long, long while.

You will feel a bit better

If you acknowledge your feelings and finding healthier ways to express them (meaning you don’t harm yourself), it will be lighter in your heart. You will probably not remember, but the one who told you that “it will be all right” is actually right. It’s not the same, and it will never be the same, but you will still take that one step onward. But brace yourself though. There will be the bumps and the deep potholes you won’t see on your road to feeling better, and you will be pushed back to how you feel from the start.

The only best approach to grieving is to be kind to yourself. You are the first one to help yourself, so be kind. And kindness to yourself also includes allowing you to fall a step back in your progress but not worrying too much about it because you know you will be able to take that one step onward again.

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